The MC3 went to the Chunkathalon 2005 and it was pretty ephin Fantastic

Representing were DeLizious, Grovetron, Slippery Jim, Donald the Chopper King, Jack, Sailor, Maitland, Yin and Mark…we rented a minivan and a moving van..DeLizious handled all the logistics of transport and piloted the van full of bikes…which was packed with two bikes each…exstatic luxury…the rest piled into the minivan and watched Dvds…conspicuous consumption fer sure….

There were the inevitable screwups and our startime was delayed but we rolled out of van southbound by 11pm..hungover but excited…there was a one hour delay at the border but we amused ourselves by hauling out the minibikes and screwing around in the border lineup providing amusement and skeptical glances from our fellow travelers…no hassles at the border and we started our trip to the PDX ..Cascadias capital of bike culture…We were going to be sleeping on the floor of FreeGeek a computer recycling non profit and host of the Chunkathalon…on arrival our host RevPhil was nowhere to be found but Matteo and Klaut were on hand to give us the tour and settle us in..We went for food and cheap pitchers of Ranier at Acme who had previously hosted Cyclecide a few weeks earlier…..after eating and getting our collective asses kicked at foosball by a couple of locals we got the call from Soren and the DeadBabies and went to meet them at a bar far far away..we stopped at a corner store and bought a bunch of beer..hydrate or die and Sparks..ooh Sparks…the ride to meet the DeadBabies was pretty eventfull…a drunken local took the time to trash talk and vow to kick our asses at the Chunkathalon the next day…..and it was a lovely ride…taking some lanes…upon reaching Woodstock we ran into Chunk 666 PDX and Chunk666 New York…we helped with some minor repairs…made friends and then dropped our bikes in a pile and went into the bar to hang with the babies…pabst $1.25..we hung around and got fucked up for a while Soren was there along with Ian and Peter..who had made an EastVan ambassadorial earlier in the summer…Chunk666 was in the house Tad and Megulon 5..it was super cool to hang with them and talk about the origins of Chunk666 and get a sense of what their history was…after a bit the call was made and all twenty or so of us made a late nite ride across the city to a bonfire in a Chunk backyard…the ride was super fun….. two clubs and one collective represented…much laughing and stunting..then chilling at the fire…DeLizious made the bold move there and organized an all girls team for the Chunkathalon…pretty super… fast ride back to FreeGeek and we c.r.a.s.h.e.d hard

The next morning began with the adventures of Jack…much random riding separated us from Jack and he caught sight of us several blocks away…a race to catch up with us led to some bent forks and a nice chat from a police officer…seems your not supposed to run reds and cross lanes of traffic in Portland..a traffic warning later….we all enjoyed breakfast at a 24 hour breakfast joint…then fuelled up to compete…we milled around for a while watching Chunk set up riding around on our bikes meeting our fellow competitors..the chixs from Victoria of note and others…we let bunch of kids mess around on our minibikes.... I got to meet Dingo from the clown house plus others which was super cool…..

We split into two teams…less Liz who had her own team…the rest of the MC3 split into Team BO (Blue n Orange) and Team Low Dexterity..Sailor,Maitland,Grover and Mark had BO and Low Dexterity was Jim, Jack, Donald(who hadn’t yet arrived) and an alternate Mark from Portland..in total there were 16 teams competing

We were all holding full beers when the events started…first was a team relay..around the block slamming a full tall boy…BO was hampered by Sailor a light weight drinker but fast rider…rules stated that you had to finish the tall boy before you could pass off….DeLizious cut off Soren of the Deadbabies in a stunningly technical competitive way…for some reason even tho all of LDs competitors were finished one full lap ahead of Team BO…and team BO came in fourth…LD not even placing…I think the judges were drunk…but maybe I just was

Between events I had a chance to talk to RadMaggie of VeloMutations..sewing machine bike fame…. I kind of abandoned my team during the Essay Writing event to chat…sorry dudes…..The best was in the competitiors pit…all the out there chopper riders hyped up and in ultra flam mode….I remember this one guy in yellow challenging people at random “you want some of this???...you want some of this???you want some Mantastic???? Then grabbing them and hugging them..kinda summed up the spirit of the competion..sorta

Next event was Save the Baby...each team of four rolled up to the starting line against another team of four…they were designated Good or Evil…Good was to Save the Baby…Evil was to prevent it…at the start each team was to race towards end of the block circle a pylon then head back to the baby

DeLizious’s team were Stellar!!!!!!!at this event ….the Babes were Good and ChunkNyc were Evil and as the Babes headed toward the pylon the empties rained down like roses in tribute…a storm yet unseen this day…Stephanie reached the baby pulled it out of its carrier and was slammed hard from the side by ChunkNyc…a brief face plant and then a sprint across the finish line…Babes ruled over Evil!!!!!!!

Team Low Dexterity chose Jack to represent in the time trials…this event had one rider from each team race to the store buy a six pack and then race back…Jack took a piss and prepared for his run…the route was explained then he was off….the crowd at the end of the block parted like water and he disappeared in the distance…I went to get a beer and came back to the check point to see his triumphant return….the time keeper said he was way over time…”wheres Jack” Delizious asks and at that moment an ambulance appeared and the crowd parted to allow it through … we watched as it continued down the block lights flashing….” I think that’s for your guy dude” the time keeper said…ooohh fuck and we ran…to find Jack being attended to by the paramedics….a huge gash in his stomach and his chopper lying folded on the ground….forks and frame way separated…..Jack are you allright….Can you take a picture he said….Liz rode with him in the ambulance and I went to find his medical insurance…The doctor on duty was pissed because he had to work and miss the Chunkathalon but a bit of it came to him….we hung around at the hospital until Jack was released 20 stiches and some morphine later and we headed back to the event….Special thanks to Kammy for calling the ambulance…Dave from Free Geek for guiding us to the hospital to pick him up and to the paramedics…average time for the time trials 2.5 minutes arrival of the paramedics at the event from Jacks departure 6.41…thats an amazing response time

Back at the event we watched the fucking freak show of fireworks and bikes oooh the chaos…roman candles, bottle rockets..fire crackers shooting off in random directions and Klaut riding through it all on my minibike……(which he saved from the impromptu bonfire and if I ever find out who thru it on there I will kick yer effin ass)

The winning teams of the Chunkathalon were announced and LowDexterity placed fifth!!!!!style points no doubt...Chunk666 Nyc..placing first

Food Sleep and back to Vancouver we drove…Jack in his hospital PJs…

L8rs

J